Being alone

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook and I thought enough about it to share it here. There is so  much to this for me.

First off, I hate being alone. I feel like it’s forced on me, despite knowing that I do have a choice in the matter. I can like it or not be alone. But I’ve always been an awkward duck, never feeling comfortable in the presence of others. I have a very select few people who I actually like to be around.

About 10 years ago a friend of mine told me that I needed to get use to being alone. I was do devastated at the fact that I was running into the brick wall of relationships over and over again. I was reluctant to try this “being alone” thing, but knew that it was true. I needed to be whole before trying to find someone else to add to my life. So off I went to festivals, movies, shows, etc. alone. I became accustomed to it and grew to like the freedom of doing things alone. You don’t have to wait for anyone else to get ready, put in their two cents, whine about how they “don’t like this or that”, get sick, or cancel on you. I could change my mind at the last minute if I please or leave early without having to consult anyone else. Eventually, I started going on trips alone.

After a while though, I started hating it again. “Okay” I thought “This is long enough. I get it, can I please have someone to share this with?” Needless to say I’m still in that mode. I reluctantly do things alone out of not having anyone else to do things with. I leer at couples enjoying the beach together or just out at the coffee shop. Fuckers. How dare they flaunt their relationships in front of me! (I’m only half kidding here)

So I saw this video and I really want to find the lyrics to this. It reminds me that I’m not the only one who struggles with loneliness. Loneliness sucks. Then I think of all the people who fill their lives up with other people just so that they won’t be alone. They get into relationships that aren’t good for them (I’m guilty of that) or have children, or associate with toxic people. At some point we have to deal with being alone.

I see it all the time with women who have children. For the most part, as women we are natural givers and when it comes to kids, of course we are going to give them everything we can. But those kids have their own lives to live and it’s not with mom or dad. One day we all have to deal with ourselves and I guess I’m just getting a full dosage of it at this point in my life. I only hope that it’s worth it and that I become an old, well-adjusted, happy to be alone woman.

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