Now

In today’s session I talked about my family. Surprise surprise! I’m having the hardest time associating with them. I understand that they hurt me more than they help me, but when I avoid them it hurts. My therapist assured me that it’s okay keep them at a distance, despite the discomfort.

I spent the afternoon making calls and had some progress regarding my school loan debt. Then lay on the couch just allowing myself to feel the sadness in me. I mustered up enough energy to go to meditation where the dharma talk was on friendships. It was nice to acknowledge the types of friends that I have that are so important to me, and to acknowledge the kind of friend I am to others.

I had the hardest time during the Metta meditation though. Metta is a practice in cultivating loving kindness. First towards the self and them towards others. I usually enjoy this part of meditation, but this time it was so hard to even begin with myself. I stuck with it though.

I’m trying not to run from the fact that I’m depressed and trying to understand that this is where I am now and I have no idea what I’ll be feeling tomorrow. Who knows how long this bout of depression will last.

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