So I’ve literally spent the last three days on the couch. I did manage to go to the gym in the mornings, but other than that, I have been sprawled out on my couch more stressed than I’ve ver been.
It all started with receiving the letter from Social Security stating that I was approved for disability. Normally this would be great, but the amount they are giving me in nowhere near livable. Which led me to go over my finances again. Then I realized that I’m living $400 in the red. I made budgets for both working and being on disability, as well as living in this apt. and in a smaller one. Ina ll scenarios I am living in the red. It’s mostly my school loans, old credit card debt (I don’t use credit cards anymore), taxes, and medical bills that consume my expenses.
This stress goes beyond what I’ve been able to do recently. being in the now is so hard for me right now. There’s a lot going on. Letting go, not worrying, being present in the now, It’s all too much right now. Most likely I will have to move into a room share situation, and my BabyGrrrl is going to my dad’s today as she does not like people. The thought of having to pack up, sell off stuff, and move again is so stressful and that’s not even touching on the fact that I don’t know if going back to work is possible. I feel like my whole life has been sucked out of me.