And the latest news? (A rant)

So much packing! All the things I’m getting rid of, in my apartment and storage, are piled up in my dining area waiting to go somewhere. ANYWHERE but with me.

Going through all my things was a mental trip into my past. Wow I traveled a lot for a while there. Oh and look at how small those clothes are, I can’t believe I used to fit into them. Gift given to me by ex-boyfriends and family members all went into either the trash or give box. Bottom line is, I don’t like stuff. In looking back at what I have left (what I’m keeping) I want to get rid of more, but I need more time.

This time around moving seems so overwhelming. All the calls I had to make to give address changes, cancel services, transfer services (for a fee of course). Renting the moving van and then there is still the packing of the apartment and cleaning it up. Have I mentioned that there is the day of the move involved?

This is but one of several things that my life is consumed by right now. How I haven’t thrown myself in the river is beyond me (oh yeah, a daily regimen of Ativan) I’m still feeling a guttural unease with my job, cry on my way to work, feel overwhelmed at the condition of the house I’m moving into (my sister is a hoarder and it gets worse everytime I visit). The house is really that bad and I have no idea how I’m going to make hang in there.

I absolutely hate my life situation. I’m going to live in a pigsty of a home that gets worse of time and continue with a job that leaves me feeling that I have no purpose in life. And living in a town that, to me, is ugly, boring, and soulless.

And the latest news? I got a call from my doctor who referred me to a specialist. I have an appointment for a biopsy next week. Like I really needed this – now – or ever?


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