Earlier this year I applied to be a part of a program geared towards identifying and breaking down barriers towards financial prosperity. I wasn’t sure if I was up to the task as it’s a year-long commitment, but I figured I’d apply and then see what happens. 16 people were selected, and after being on the wait-list, I was selected to be a part of the group. I was nervous because it’s another day of commuting to where I use to live (40 minutes away) on top of the 3 days I’m already driving there. Also I knew this program would challenge some deep held beliefs, and I was concerned that it would get in the way pf what I’m already doing with my self-awareness and mental health.
The program started last Saturday with a day long orientation and it was so much more that I expected. So much of it is aligned with what I’m already doing and the group of people who are participating have also put in quite a bit of self-awareness work as well.
One of the things I was glad to hear from our facilitator is that he works with the belief that we need to embrace our shadow side in order to become whole rather than trying to “affirm it away”, disowning it, or cut it off.
He also mentioned something that validated what I’ve been going through. He mentioned the “breakdown and breakthrough” and how when you grow, what is old will come up to be healed and released in order to make room for the growth. What I really resonated with was his mentioning that when this happens it can feel like you don’t know yourself and don’t know what’s going on around you. When this happens it’s an indicator of growth and a breakthrough happening.
What came up with the group was how deep-rooted beliefs of our own culture/community can be a barrier. In other words, if I believe that my culture is a, b, and c, and I achieve or do x, y, z, then I no longer belong or can relate to my own culture/community. This is exactly the same thing as what I mentioned in an earlier post about no longer being able to relate to my family due to my awareness. I can see how in my life I have sabotaged myself in order to be able to continue feeling like I belong and can stay connected to my family.
On a similar note, I hadn’t realized that my judgment of people with money were keeping me from being open to money. If I believe that people who are wealthy are wasteful, greedy, socially irresponsible and rude, and I don’t want to be those things, then I will do things that subconsciously sabotage myself to not have money.
In all honesty there was so much that I was learning this day it was a bit overwhelming. My concepts of money, god, culture, gender, and self were challenged and I’m sure this is the tone of the year. We did do a few things that pushed me out of my comfort zone but I’m being open to it.
Since it appears that this program will overlap a lot of what I am already doing in my own awareness work, I’ll post the experience on here in its own post if possible.