On Hangovers and Cleaning Toilets

Every time I get a rush of insight, an insight hangover seems to follow. In my insight I see and feel things so clearly. I’m content and feel like things are going to be okay, even if I don’t know what I want. Then the next day, or a couple of days later, I feel a deep pressure on my chest and this overall feeling of loneliness.

I talked to my therapist about this since this last weekend I had two days of insight. Saturday with my inner-child feeling disrespected, and Sunday with the Standards of Integrity exercise. Come Monday I was feeling like I didn’t quite feel present. I was feeling like I was in a haze of loneliness and slight confusion. After we processed a bit I came to realize that this is the experience of growth. As I grow the world looks different and there is a re-adjustment period. Remember the chick hatching from the egg example I gave a few posts back? What I’m feeling is that moment when the chick has pecked its way out and is exhausted and “wobbly” in this new world.

I explained to my therapist that this makes sense. One day I am having profound existential experiences, and the next moment I’m making 12 copies of a document for my boss. Then I remembered a scene from the movie “Gandhi”. I believe that in this scene Gandhi and his wife are in the beginning of creating an ashram to establish self-sufficiency. He tells his wife to clean the toilets and she basically is insulted. Why should she clean the toilets as the co-creator of this ashram? I can relate very well. Why should I have to do the drudgery of daily life, can’t you see I’m having an insightful moment here?? Well, toilets need to be cleaned and copies need to be made, and I will do them well and with a greater presence.

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