One of my fellow ACAs taught me a skill a few months back that I was hesitant to use because it just sounded so strange. But I trust her and decided to try it anyway.
She said that I could get a stuffed animal that I really connected with that would represent me as child, and talk to it in a way that I would have liked to have been talked to as a child. I could check-in with it daily, acknowledge what (s)he was feeling, and just be a loving parent to it. I had been doing this off and on for a bit, but since things got really difficult lately she suggested to go back to this exercise nightly. I did for a few night and it really did help to create a space of compassion. Every once in a while I get a piece of insight. Tuesday morning was one of those moments.
I was getting ready for work and decide to take a moment to talk to my polar bear (inner child/authentic self). Last year, when I did Inner Child work for the first time, my 5-year-old had told me to stop seeing M because he says mean things. I now felt like I had some apologizing to do. I told my IC/AS that I believed what she told me a year ago and I so appreciated the insight and acknowledged how smart she is and that I will try harder to listen to her in the future. I also told her that I don’t blame her if she doesn’t trust me, and that I was sorry for putting us in that position of being hurt again. Then I said “But I had to go back and get the pieces of us I left behind.” I have no idea where that came from, but it felt real and accurate.
In saying this, I cried and just stayed with the feeling of being in the Shero’s Journey again.