Emotional Relapse

For years I would get so frustrated in my “personal development” work. I would learn a new skill and put it into practice and a few hours or days later I would be back to doing things the old way. This was true for simple things going to the gym on a regular basis and more complex things like not wanting to get sucked into depression and suicidal thoughts.

I knew that practicing these skills after a lapse was important, but I always felt like a failure with a “this shit doesn’t work” attitude. I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t sticking. I knew it made sense!

Then my therapist brought something to light for me. In times of stress we are susceptible to reverting to old habits. Hearing this I remembered that I am working with emotionally sobriety, and like the alcoholic, my chances of relapses increase in times of stress.

 This helped me to broaden my field of vision in regard to this because I knew that the judging was my critical parent talking and I felt like I would never get rid of that voice. But now I have a greater understanding that the critical parent is to be integrated and that I will lapse and get back up with the support of those around me. (Re)lapsing is so painful, but I believe that the binges become shorter over time. As for the frequency and intensity, I don’t know. My hopes are that you catch yourself quicker before you fall with enough practice and support. But I guess you have to practice first right?

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  1. Trackback: Clean Water « the lotus experience

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