Body Pain and the Fear of Being Left Behind

Friday night’s RDBC practice left me feeling my age. My body has A LOT of catching up to do and it’s kinda scary. I remember being younger and really active and fit. I can’t help but think of how much easier this would be had I just kept myself in good physical shape.

When a local physical trainer walked us through routines we should do to build up stamina and strength, I started to feel that creeping feeling of “oh damn, I can’t do this. I am too far behind.”

Once in gear, practiced drills in the rink didn’t last too long. On my first knee drop I felt a pull and twist in my left hip. By the time I got up it was hard to skate on that leg. I could skate on it, but couldn’t really ask for much more out of it.

I could hear and feel that disappointing feeling inside me saying “see, now you’re going to fall behind and everyone is going to leave you. If you don’t learn this now, you won’t be able to keep up.” I could feel memories trying to take over of being a kid and the slowest learner in math and sports. I was always trying so hard but was always left behind.

I tried to tap into that nurturing parent from first practice, but it was hard. I managed to tell myself to just take it easy and do what I can. I know I wasn’t the only one, but I didn’t want to bein this position, I had felt so good at last practice and now I was feeling like a failure.

The rest of the night we revisited some skills from last practice and I saw some improvement in one of the skills. But that last set of skills I just was in the dark about.

We learned The Tomahawk Stop which I totally didn’t get. That was one hell of a confusing stop. I noticed that I get disoriented, “What foot goes out? Which way am I turning? What happens to that other leg? What?” Urgh, this one leave me feeling far behind.

My body was fighting me all during practice. I am sore and this hip strain makes things difficult. My tailbone is still sore which leaves me afraid to fall, which I need to do a lot more of.

I don’t know about you, but body pain is really depressing for mem now that I’m older.I fear the permanency of it and it sucks that it holds me back from progressing at RDBC. I am so afraid of being left behind.

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