I have been told that dreams offer opportunities to heal, and that every aspect of your dream is a representation of you. That’s why when I woke from an intense dream on Tuesday night, I knew I had to write it down and revisit it with my therapist on Thursday.
In my dream I was going to some kind of Native American justice rally and I was one of the speakers there. As I was arriving, I saw M there and was annoyed that he was there, but it didn’t have any emotional pull on me. I shrugged it off and continued doing what I went there to do.
I began my speech which included yelling into a megaphone. As I walked away for the rally, I began to “glitch”. Everything around me was normal, but I froze in time, and my image started to fade and static like a bad t.v. reception. Then my image would speed up and reverse back. The crowd began to freak out, and so did I. Me “glitching” was giving them some kind of warning of impending doom. I had the sense that danger was coming from the sky, like bombs or gunfire at the crowd was going to happen.
A Native woman calmed the crowd down and walked towards me. She said something to the effect of “You’re rabbit hopping because you are insane. Your twin, did you know you are a twin?” I remember being really curious about being a twin, What did she mean? Then I told her, “I’m not insane, I just do that sometimes.” She seemed to relax as she understood that this was my nature.
I knew this dream was rich in symbols and meaning, and as my therapist and I looked at it, themes of fear, change, and true nature became even more evident.
The me that spoke at the rally and “glitched” is that part of me that is comfortable in my skin. I speak my voice, seek justice, confirms that I am not insane, and am comfortable in being the trickster that freaks people out and makes them question.
The crowd represents a collection of parts of me that does not like change. It’s those parts of me that freaks out when things don’t look like they “should”.
The Native woman is also me. That native (original) maternal part of me that is curious and compassionate.
The “glitch” can be a couple of things. It can be those moments when change and shift is happening (liminal space), and it can be those moments when I’m scared, stressed, and depressed and my old habits of being consumed by those feelings are face to face with the new skill of compassion, being in the moment, and being a witness self.
The rabbit is typically a trickster symbol but also is knows as a Fear Caller in some Native American cultures. Symbolically, the rabbit calls out to its predators and therefore, manifests its fears. So it makes sense that the Native woman said I was “rabbit hopping”. I was warning the crowd of a false fear. I also feel like it speaks to those moments when I am in susto and disconnected from myself.
As for the twin. I’m not too sure what that means. My therapist thinks it’s similar to representing two sides of the same coin. In looking it up, I read that twins can also been seen as trickers and as symbols for duality and war. When I did a search an article for 2-Spirit came up as well.
I didn’t know too much about tricksters, so mt therapist told me that in some cultures, a trickster’s roles is to confuse people and challenge their beliefs. I can see how this applies to me as I have (with one exception) always felt outside any social circle I walk with (including my own family and culture). My therapist had a smile as she told me “you are a trickster, you know that?” This gave me some comfort.
In the end, I feel like this dream is a reminder that healing is taking place. I am growing very slowly into accepting me, and getting to know my authentic self. I am getting familiar with my animus voice, and learning how to re-parent better through compassion for myself. There are moments when I do freak out when a “glitch” happens, but they don’t last as long as before. As long as I reach out, and talk to my support group, I’m can be down from a few moments to a few days.