Last Monday I had a great Prosperity class. For the first time, I was able to feel integration during our “Big Mind” exercise and witness others getting “stuck” or blocked like I usually am.
We were looking at that part of ourselves that pushes people away. Most of the time when I ask any given part of me how it serves me, the answer is usually “Protection”. This time I really felt a sense of appreciation in being able to acknowledge that this part of me keeps me “playing small” (doesn’t take risks, doesn’t speak up, keeps others at bay) as a way to protect me from getting hurt or let down. Simultaneously I could feel my Self saying “Thank You for doing that” and that part of me that pushed people away saying “Thanks for noticing”.
Then when we did the step of integration (non judgment from the self), I could hear that part of me that pushed people away ask “Well, if I no longer push people away, how am I gonna protect you?” and without hesitation, my Self replied “You get to speak-up on our behalf”. In that moment I felt like I pushed back into my chair and a sense of clarity came over me. Although I’ve known this and have been told this, it finally dropped from my head space to my heart space. I fully realized that I get to know discernment by having a voice. When I am unsure I can speak up. I get to speak my truth.
When we do this work I usually get stuck (not able to go there or identify that voice), so when a couple of people in class became stuck, it was amazing to see it from the other side. It was the most beautiful thing to see other go through the process of growth, and just as they were on the edge of transformation, old stories would come back. “You can’t do that. It’ll never work. You’re gonna get hurt” Our facilitator kept with them, reminding them that these were in fact old stories that no longer apply. It’s scary to let go of defense mechanism that kept us safe. “Who am I without them?” is a paralyzing question we ask ourselves when at the brink of dismantling them.
For the first time I sat there and saw great potential in someone who was afraid t embrace it. I could feel myself reaching out and saying “I got you, it’s safe. Step over, come across. I believe in you”. It was amazing as usually I am the one saying “Hell no, that will never work for me. I’ll stay here thank you very much. I know it sucks here, but at least I know it.”
What was also amazing was that there was such a softness in them when the night was over. It felt like they were open and full of love. It was incredibly beautiful and helped me realize that the way we perceive ourselves is a powerful weapon that can cause others to feel uneasy or at peace.