Mondays means that there’s a good chance of me getting double duty guidance and inspiration. This Monday was one of those.
My therapy session was followed by my Prosperity class and it was a doozy.
What do I need?
During my therapy session we discussed my situation with K. I really wasn’t feeling like going over it, yet again, but she opened the door to begin processing the situation since I was feeling rather confused and fuzzy about the whole thing. In processing I was able to clarify that having someone I can count on is very important to me and that I can’t be romantically intimate (on any level) with someone who I feel I can’t count on.
In a bigger picture sort of way, I can see how stepping into vulnerability would be a move to make IF I were in a committed relationship with someone who was a good partner. When I say “stepping into vulnerability” what I mean is; I would let my partner know what I feel, what I think, and see if they will step up to the plate. If so, then great, lesson learned. But if no, then it would be time to re-evaluate and possibly move on.
But this is not the case.
Me and K are not in a committed relationship. We have an intimate friendship. To give it more time and energy than that would be wasted energy. Instead I can only give it the same energy and effort that I would any other good friend.
I haven’t talked to K about this yet as I have been in process with it and pretty confused these last few days. My therapist reminded me that when we are looking at new ways of approaching things, it can be confusing as it’s so new. What’s new in this situation?
For the first time I am looking at a relationship and, instead of looking at what the other wants and how I fall short, I am asking myself “What do I want and need?”
During my Prosperity class I shared my hospital experience and how I feel like I am calming waiting to freak out about the hospital bill. I mentioned that I was grateful for my health, having some emergency savings, and having health insurance. But I felt like something was off. Why was I freaking out so much about money when I was in the hospital dealing with my health?
After I shared, one of my classmates asked me “You say you’re grateful for your health yes? Well, can you be grateful for the bill?”
I was floored. The thought had ever-so-briefly crossed my mind while I was in the hospital. But it was so fleeting it didn’t even register. When she asked me this question my heart dropped and the whole landscape of my situation changed instantly. It went from anger and resentment to deep gratitude.
Sometime Monday’s are quite inspiring.