Blah Blah Blah

Well the blahs are still here. Its tough to call my support people because its so hard to explain this feeling. Depression is no stranger and it feels strange to have not felt it for a while.
I told my therapist that I could feel a break-down coming on. She reminded me that depression is “not feeling” or pushing away feelings. I cried knowing that this is what’s going on.
I’m about to be 40 this month and I have nothing to show for it. No career, no place of my own, no relationship. Not to mention my Mom and I have the same birthday. It seems to get harder not to have her here as the years go by. Also, my body is so unhealthy right now. I have symptoms flaring up and I’m sure my weight has spurred this on.
Anyhow, there’s a lot to feel through and I’m hoping this won’t be too painful.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. wartica
    Jan 15, 2012 @ 09:03:54

    I’ve definitely been down this road with my skin issues; I always found tai chi, meditation, kung-fu and yoga to be a great way to get rid of the negative flow of energy inside of me…I’m looking forward to sharing more with you:))

    Reply

  2. Melissaelissa
    Jan 15, 2012 @ 09:44:40

    Sounds like a case of the Birthday Blues…although, it’s totally expected, especially since there are a lot of other things this day brings. Memories, your mum, etc. I’d be gentle with yourself and be okay with expressing the emotions in any way they come, whether it be: feeling depressed, sad, no desire or motivation because I know when you have enough, you will have enough and be in a better space to shift the energy. It’s okay to have those poopey days, but have your medicine kit ready to aid your soul and spirit. If being around supportive people is in your medicine kit, surround yourself with them. If it’s diving into an extreme self-care ritual, dive in. You can have a mini retreat with yourself. We can’t explain our emotions most of the time, but we can be aware, and know that they are only giving us hints: could be that they want you to take it easy. Our emotions are not the enemy, they are a beautiful and intelligent indicator. And, as we friend them, we can work with them. You always have my support, my dear. I know we live miles apart, but there are so many options for us to connect! I am willing! ((HUGS)) I can only say these things because they are true for me, and I get to hear my words for myself (RX for me!) I am only sharing my perspective…there are infinite views…maybe this helps? XOXOX

    Reply

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