All I Want

Place your judgements of U2 aside for a few minutes. Just long enough to hear this song.

Today I heard it with new ears and was reminded of this again during my therapy session. As I drove to my session, I heard this song, and for the first time, I heard a love song to myself. The song is sung from the voice of my authentic self to my ego self. It is sung from the part of me that has always been with me, that part of me that is connected to life itself (some call this God). She sings to the part of me that has been searching for re-connection. That part of me that thinks she can find a solution to all her problems. That part of me that says “When I ______, things will be better.”

I heard this song in this way and I cried as felt my resistance to myself, and all the fear of trusting. What would it look like if I simply reconnected fully and in trust to my authentic self?

At the end of my session, I mentioned to my therapist that “What I want is to understand me, so I can love me, and start treating myself better , and stop hurting myself.” Even in this, I knew that there isn’t anything to find outside of me, because all the answers are already here. I remembered this song, and how I felt the resistance to stepping fully into myself.

It’s a bitter-sweet experience right now, as I can feel my deepest self patiently waiting for me to return

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