Now that I’m closer to my routine of work, school, therapy, and ACA workbook group; I’m starting to feel a bit more grounded. The last week of December 2012 was spent on vacation from my four routines listen above. It wasn’t completely by choice, and mostly just worked out that way. When big breaks like that happen, I tend to get a bit anxious just before all that free time. This time, I was really looking forward to the break from everything.
The New Year holiday and resurfacing of an ex boyfriend was prime for feelings of deep loneliness to return. I was so glad to reconnect with my ACA workbook partner, and my therapist as the new year began. After meeting with both of them, I was reminded of the importance of healthy connection, support, and routine.
My therapist observed that when I have significant breaks from routine, I tend to fall into old thinking patterns. However, the difference now is that in addition to keeping contact with my support system, these systems and routines help reflect back to me the healthier me that is still evolving. I have not lived in this self long enough to maintain it without the help of my support system.
At first I was pretty frustrated. Will I ever be able to just live my life without being in perpetual counseling and attending support groups? Then I remembered that change happens no mater what, and that although I still need the consistent support of others, I am now able to rebound quicker when I do.