Reflection

Things have been a bit sparse here in the blogosphere for The Lotus Experience, but that doesn’t mean that there’s been a shortage of life lessons. No sirree.

My world has been so busy with working as a counselor for a youth program, going to school to get my Marriage and Family Therapist degree/license, trying to enjoy summer, practice self-care, and growing into this somewhat new relationship with my partner who I live with. I always have this blog in mind and many times feel bad for neglecting it.

For whatever reason, this blog is important to me, even if I haven’t entered much into it this year. This blog has helped me to process and grow through the darkest and most difficult time of my life (so far). I have only recently been able to really see how my transformation is manifesting in my life, and how much further I can grow. I can honestly say that I am kinder to myself, more understanding of others, and reach out more in times where I’m at a loss.

I also have my moments of disaster, however  they haven’t last as long and haven’t left me for dead.

What I have noticed is that in the past, my “moments’ would last for weeks, months, or years. They drained me of energy and were stagnant pools of despair.

Lately, my “moments” are short lived, anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. They rarely last a whole day. Instead of being stagnant, it’s as if my “moments” are a time to rest and re-charge. After a good cry, some loving witness/loving parent connection, and some meditation, I notice that I’m ready to burst out the chutes and get back into life. I feel calmer, rested, and safe. I trust that things will be okay and that I don’t need to have the answers for everything. I simply need to hold hope and be open to possibilities.

Three years ago, a year ago, I truly would have never believed that I could have said what I did in that last paragraph. I am grateful for this opportunity, for this gift, and so grateful to those who have held a safe space for me to heal, rediscover, and grow. I am thankful to everyone who read this blog and took the time to leave a comment. The journey never ends, and I know there is no “place” to get to. So I keep on, move on, and continue to grow and re-learn, and dis-cover. With myself, and your presence if you so choose.

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