My fear sometimes gets the best of me. And I mean, the BEST. When this happens I don’t always do or say the “right” thing. By “right” I mean, the most compassionate and present way of being.
To be specific, I came home tonight to news that affects me and my boyfriend financially. When I heard this, I began to point out obvious actions. He became defensive and told me that I think he is stupid. I apologized and let him know I don’t think he’s stupid, and that I was just concerned. He said he understood, but I felt like at some level he still believed I was judging him.
When he went to take a nap, I thought about the conversation that just transpired. I thought about what he did for us on a daily basis, and if I have been acknowledging these acts. I realized that although I mostly do, I don’t acknowledge his acts in way that let’s him know that what he does is “enough”.
In realizing this, I went to the bedroom and snuggled up next to him. I told him what I appreciate about him, and that I loved him, and that I was sorry if I gave him the impression that what he does isn’t important “enough”.
Even though my fear gets the best of me, I can certainly own my shortcomings. When I do, the BEST of me comes though. I can only hope that the person on the other side is able to receive it.