I tend to experience anxiety on New Year’s Eve. It isn’t a consistent type, but more a peek-a-boo type. Throughout the last day of each year, there is a fleeting second of panic and fear that grips me, then, as quickly as it came, it runs off like a mischievous prankster. This year I found some relief in housecleaning and taking a spiritually cleansing bath early in the morning.
I saged and lit a candle as I prayed in gratitude and set my intentions for the New Year. As I boiled some herbs for my bath, I could feel my mother’s presence with me. I remembered her bathing me with herbs and other ingredients in order to help correct a condition. In this moment, I thanked her for her lessons, both spoken and exhibited, intentional and unintentional. I felt the lineage of pain, and my part in this generational healing.
As I lay in the warm herbal bath, I repeated my intentions and gratitude, and released any wrongs I may have done to others. When the time felt right, I removed the drain cover and let the herbal bath slowly drain away. As this happened, I couldn’t help but realize that I was releasing everything that no longer served me in 2013. I watched the water whirlpool down the drain and thanked the darkness and pain for the lessons they have taught me, and for giving me strength. I was moved to tears as I thought of how my struggles have made me stronger and have made me who I am today. This is when I felt that my morning cleanse was complete.
Afterwards I made some tea and randomly opened the book You’re Deepest Intent, by Rev. Deborah L. Johnson. These words stood out for me.
“When you become the Yes, then everything you are searching for will be right in front of you. It’s already in front of you, but you just can’t see it” (p.119)
“Putting on the glasses did not make anything appear. It was all there already. But correcting the vision allows you to make sense out of what otherwise appears to be just fog. Instead of putting on glasses to see better, most of you are trying to get rid of the fog. You are ignoring what’s really around you. You have gotten comfortable with what little bit that you see.” (p. 120)
So I asked myself and I ask you, what are you saying Yes to? What are you willing to say Yes to?