Right Now

A couple of weeks go I was under such stress that I actually felt my hair and eyes strained. All I wanted was to stay home and sleep and cry. However I can’t do that. I have a job to go to, clients to see, paperwork that has a deadline, homework to read, and classes to go to. So I took it as slow as I could and booked a massage. By the end of the week I was beginning to feel slightly grounded again.

As the weekend took place, I experienced another stressful event. My typical response is to shut down, which serves me and hinders me. In light of that, I have started to practice what it’s like to be present in these kinds of moments. Last weekend, I did both. I went to bed and the next morning left home early to practice self-care. When I came home to decompress, I began to have a panic attack.

Having talked to a few support people earlier, I remembered their words. “What do you need right now?”. This was my mantra throughout the attack and each time I asked, I gave myself what I needed in that moment. I made small efforts such as sitting up, bundling up, breathing out, and so on. It was hard to talk, so allowing for no conversation was helpful too. As the day went on the anxiety slowly released.

Although the slow and small steps were important, the biggest help came from asking myself “What do I need right now?”. I have asked myself this question throughout the rest of the week, as I am still decompressing from the stress of the lats 2 weeks. I think this is a good question to ask myself in any situation, When I ask myself “What do I need right now?”, I am not only practicing self-care. I am also practicing how to re-parent myself.


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