I was quite the emotional disaster at my last counseling session. I was feeling a mash up of emotions and was feeling pretty defeated. The last few weeks have been so stressful for me and every part of my life has been affected. I feel like I have no safe place to just be. By the time I walked into session last Monday I melted into a pile of emotions.

Somehow, in all the mess, there was some small bit of clarity. That clarity began with understanding that I have not been able to forgive myself for being hurt and expressing that hurt through anger (towards myself and others). You see, I have been able to forgive my parents for letting their pain affect me negatively. I was able to this after being angry at them first, and then understanding that they were reacting from their painful childhoods.

So the question remains. If I am able to forgiveĀ  my parents for passing their pain onto me, what keeps me from forgiving myself from repeating that pattern? Can I create a space where I sit with my inner child, and tell that little girl that it’s not her fault that she’s angry? That her parents didn’t know any better and that it wasn’t about her value, but about what they didn’t know how to do? Can I just sit with her and hold her and accept her as she is?

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