Change and Loss

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The lesson in this inspirational meme is one that I have been repeatedly coming up against this year. In years prior I was unconscious to this lesson, but I knew its fear. The fear specifically being that I will lose people as a result of change. As I grew older, and accumulated life experiences, this fear held me back when I had to make big changes externally. More recently, the changes I experience are internal, and the fear is still present. The fear of losing people to either type of change is scary, however, the fear of losing people as I go through internal changes has been paralyzing.

Before I continue, let’s be clear that when I am talking about losing people, I mean those close to me whom I love. I am not close to many people, so losing one or two significantly impacts my life.

As I mentioned in previous post, I have been working with the fear of losing people as I reclaim my voice and step into my power.My fear of losing people when I change resurrects an old voice that says, “See what you did? Why did you do that? If you just kept your mouth shut. Who do you think you are anyway? It’s all your fault”. These words keep me from stepping into the trust of losing people whose time with me is over, and connecting with people who are more in alignment with who I am now. Instead, all I feel is fear, guilt, and shame.

On a slight flip-side, while I have been fighting this fear or losing people, I have also been simultaneously growing the acceptance of the fact that as I change, I will lose some people in my life. What I notice is that accepting this doesn’t eliminate the pain and fear. However, it does increase my trust. Trust that I will be okay. Trust that I will connect with others on the same path. Trust that, even in my pain I will find comfort. Trust that I am not alone. Trust that I am held and supported. Trust that I am on the right path.

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