Paradigm Shift: Growth and Grief

Over the last few weeks I’ve been experiencing a steadily growing sensation of feeling like an “other “. As a vegan, Chicana, pansexual, spiritual, feminist, etc. you can imagine that this is an easy sensation to fall into. As the years go by, and I grow in consciousness and awareness, it becomes easier to feel like an outsider

Being a part of various communities can be very fulfilling for me, but unfortunately they don’t always mesh together so well. There seems to be an overall lack of awareness and action on the intersectionality of oppressions. For example, in the vegan, feminist, and LGBT communities; issues of race and spirituality can be dividing. In the Chicano movement; LGBT, feminist, and vegan issues can be dismissed. Lately, this lack of awareness has left me feeling alone, frustrated, and disappointed.

Over this last year I had grown in an area that I have struggled with most of my life. Body love and body acceptance is something I am grateful to finally be coming into. There have been many resources that have helped me grow into the body love and body acceptance. Recently I have been reading the book “Health at Every Size” by Linda bacon, PhD. This book is truly helping me to develop a paradigm shift in regards to how I perceive weight and health. It has also raised my awareness of feminist issues in ways I wasn’t aware of before.
As I sat in the cafe today, reading “Health at a Every Size”‘ I just couldn’t shake this feeling of being frustrated and lonely. I made several attempts to try and write down what was bothering me but I just couldn’t pinpoint it.

Then I read this quote from the book:

“…when you give yourself permission to feel your hunger, you recognize the hunger is not the enemy, but rather, a friendly, helpful force, alerting you to your needs and inviting you to take care of yourself.” ~ Linda Bacon, PhD

Then it hit me. I realized that I’ve been here before. This place of feeling like an outsider among outsiders. This place of feeling alone. It happened when I began learning what it meant to be an adult child of an alcoholic/dysfunctional family. And it happens every time I experienced a new paradigm shift.

In these moments I feel lonely. In these moments I experience a deep lack of connection with others who are experiencing the same thing. In these moments I see societal lies so much clearer and it saddens me. As I develop a deeper connection with my body, I now realize it is harder for me to stay connected with some people whom haven’t made the shift (yet?).

As I checked in with my body I realized that what I need is connection and support in this new area of growth in my life. As soon as identified the need I was comforted in knowing that in time it would

I remembered that every time I’ve experienced a paradigm shift, I also experience sadness and frustration as a part of the grieving process that sometimes comes with growth and change. On the other side of all this I have faith that I’ll find my place among other people who are thriving in their growth and increased awareness and consciousness.

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