darkness, life, and the emergence of self
In the northern hemisphere, this year's Spring Equinox lands on Tuesday, March 19, 2016 (For your exact time visit: http://www.timeanddate.com/calendar/spring-equinox.html). The Spring Equinox represents equilibrium between winter's cold bite and summer's relentless heat. As you step into the balance, you are also stepping into a time rich with possibility and fresh beginnings. As the cycle of life, death, and rebirth... Continue Reading →
I knew from the age of 4 that I did not want to have children. "I'm going to have puppies!" was my declaration every time someone imposed their kid-wanting assumptions on me (when I was just a kid myself. Why do people do that?). Throughout my childhood, I didn't like dolls and preferred stuffed animals.... Continue Reading →
If you have ever experienced the death (or loss) of a loved one, you know that your life becomes a series of firsts. First birthday without them, first holiday, first year, and so on. So here I am in my first month without him. These last 30-days have been a slow drip through the surreal.... Continue Reading →
I awoke on Wednesday to my first day home without my father. I had spent the greater part of February in his home 3-hours away, in an unexpected whirlwind of emotional chaos, intense vulnerability, and the eventual release of him as I watched him being taken away for cremation. I know enough to not expect... Continue Reading →
The next few days felt silent. I took things slowly and found comfort in the company of my sisters. We shared memories about our father and continued to ask questions out of confusion. I mean really, what just happened? It was all so fast, so confusing, and so severe. We continued to re-trace our steps,... Continue Reading →
Friday morning came and I checked-in on my dad. His breathing was so peaceful and easy. He sounded like he was having the best sleep of his life, like he should be laying in the grass in the park on a late Sunday afternoon. I looked up at my sister who sat next to him... Continue Reading →
Sunday came and dad made it home. The admitting hospice nurse showed us how to care for our dad, and answered any questions we had. When she left I was nervous and anxious. It was up to us now, to make sure our dad was comfortable, safe, and cared for. At this point there were four... Continue Reading →
I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, so I decided to stay overnight at the hospital. As you may know, when you stay overnight as a guest, you don't really sleep. The pull out bed is okay, but the nurse visits every 2-hours and hospital noises prevent sleep from happening. I... Continue Reading →
Thursday came and we told the attending physician about our decision to begin comfort care at the hospital. As the doctor spoke with us, the nurses began removing my father's off his IVs. I found this to be extremely disrespectful. This was a major decisions, and we didn't have the change to be with my father as... Continue Reading →
On Wednesday, my sisters, brother, and I, gathered to discuss how to proceed in my dad's care. Do we continue treatment or begin comfort care in the hospital? As you can imagine, it wasn't an easy decision to make. My father had a second swallow test, which he didn't pass, and we were told... Continue Reading →
the lotus experience 